Well, its been awhile since I've posted. I've had tons of things that I've wanted to put on here, but some how I just haven't made the time. Lots has changed in the last few months.
The biggest thing being that I've gone back to work full time. I've been back to work full time now for 3 months. I can't say if I'm used to it yet or even how I feel really. I do know that I feel that it's a constant struggle. A struggle with whether or not what I am doing/we are doing is the right thing. Part of me (a huge part of me) knows that yes, me going back to work is the right thing...lots of reasons like being able to buy a new reliable car, more money for our household, getting out of debt. But sometimes, well most of the time I am so extremely torn. I miss not being home when my kids get home from school, I miss not being able to run errands here and there, I miss the the freedom, I miss having dinner ready for my family at 6 o'clock, I miss me time, I miss scrap booking, I miss reading (tho I do get some reading instill). Saying all of this makes me feel selfish. In the end, I know that the benefits far out weigh the negatives that I feel, I just wonder when I will start to feel more positive...Ugh it's frustrating. It's not like working full time as a mom is new to me. I've done it before, but man,I really enjoyed being a stay at home, part time working mommy.
I do know that my husband is the most amazing man ever. He is such a huge help. I love that we are a team. When he's home first he makes dinner, he gets the kids to school in the mornings, he helps out wherever he needs to. I love that about him. Yet, even this makes me feel guilty. I feel like I should be doing all of the stuff he does, while trying to make things easier for him. That he should be the provider and I should be taking care of the kids, house, etc. I know that sounds stupid, because we both do things together for our family and home. But man, I'm really having a hard time with this.